Only Blue, Lonely Blue
by Fiyeraaron
Summary: He forgot how to live until she showed him how to love.


So, he tried to hide it, okay? He really, _really_ did. But, admittedly, sometimes his act did slip up a bit. He didn't expect everybody else to notice it, though. Especially not her.

He'd always kind of liked her. The way her hair fell in waves down her back, how she would chew her bottom lip when she was nervous, her political views. All the things that made her, her, really. She didn't really talk that much when he first met her, but slowly and surely, she opened up around them. She started letting them know more about her and her life, they began to call her one of Les Amis.

When they first met, she was being introduced by Marius. He was reading, and she was fiddling with her scarf as she awkwardly greeted everyone. He could hear Marius talking about his 'great friend 'Ponine', yet Enjolras still didn't look up. However, when he heard her shyly whisper 'hello', his eyes darted up. They locked eyes and he was intrigued by her.

Then his interest accelerated quickly and began morphing into something akin to affection. Instead of wanting to know more about her, he wanted to protect and defend her. It was purely innocent, he swears. He realised this when she was telling him about her father and the reasons as to why she sometimes shows up late for meetings. She trusted him, and that made him happy, and their friendship began.

There was a moment when she was at his apartment. They were watching some cruddy romance film and she was leaning her head on his arm. It wasn't until he felt her start shuddering next to him and a cool dampness on his sleeve did he realise that she was crying. She told him that she wished romances happened as easily as they did in films, that maybe she'd be happier if they did. He hugs her and feels her slip into the piece of his heart fully reserved for a best friend.

The week after that, they went ice skating. It was freezing outside and she stole his favourite red scarf as they walked to the frozen lake. He told her he was a professional at ice skating and she believed him. Her opinion changed quickly, though, as soon as she saw him fall about thirty seconds after he stood on the ice. She skated over to him and watched his dazed face as he laid on the ice. There was something about the way the cold sky and the bright sun framing her face that made him realise he had feelings for her.

He had his first taste of jealousy when he saw her with Courfeyrac. Normally, he wouldn't pay much mind to it, she could talk to whoever she wanted to and so could Courfeyrac. However, when he saw them huddling close together, her face almost touching his, and laughing with each other quietly, he forgot all about his book and openly glared at the curly haired man. It was when Courfeyrac and her hugged that he realised that maybe his feelings for her ran deeper than he thought.

He notices he loves her at her birthday party. She's turning twenty four and he buys her a vintage copy of her favourite book- Pride and Prejudice- and a big bag of gummy bears, her favourite. She grins at him and jumps around when she opens the wrapping paper, hugging him excitedly as she laughs in his ear. Her doesn't understand the feeling in his heart as he tightens his arms around her when she goes to pull away. Yet, when he sees her open Courfeyrac's present and watches the boy wrap his arms around her and kiss her, he knows that he's fallen in love with her.

He realises that he's better at pretending than he initially thought when her and Courfeyrac walk into the Musain together. As usual, he's reading. But, as usual, he's forgotten all about his book as soon as she starts talking. They're in an animated conversation when they walk through the door and he swears he feels his heart stop beating. He sits and blatantly stares at the two of them until they come and sit with him at his table. He forces a tight lipped smile onto his face as she grins at Courfeyrac and he returns the smile with a gentle squeeze of her hand.

He gets confused when Combeferre gives him a sympathetic expression at bowling, two nights later. The couple are sat together, Courfeyrac joking about Grantaire's fatal attempt at throwing the ball down the lane, and her laughing along with him. He thinks that Combeferre must be giving him that look due to the fact that he only knocked four pins down on his last bowl, but he's too distracted to think about it for too long.

They're still friends, he knows that. She still comes around to his house on Thursday nights, and he always has a pepperoni pizza prepared for when she arrives. She still cuddles up to him, and he welcomes it graciously. He wraps his arm around her and tries not to hold on to her too hard, so she won't suspect anything. He loves sharing this time with her, when it's just the two of them. For this time, he can pretend that she loves him, that she's his girlfriend now. But, when the film ends, she leaves him alone in his apartment again and his heart aches.

He feels his heart break when they announce their engagement. They've known each other for about a year and they're already planning to get married. He can't help but find flaws in their idiotic idea, but he knows that if he were in Courfeyrac's place, he would have done the same thing. It's in the way that her eyes light up as she shows off her expensive looking ring, in the way that she grins at the other boy, that he thinks his heart may have stopped working. The pain turns into a numb feeling when she doesn't glance at him for the whole night.

He feels angry when Combeferre tells him that Courfeyrac doesn't like him being her best friend. Just because he's her boyfriend- fiancé, whatever-, it doesn't mean that he can dictate who she spends her spare time with. He goes to the boy's house with fury in his eyes and determination in his mind, and the numb feeling has turned into a blinding hot rage. He doesn't expect her to be stood there instead, telling him that Courfeyrac went out. She looks beautiful, in a simple dress and ballet flats, and he lets everything pour out to her. His feelings, his heart, his soul, everything.

He feels stupid when she tells him that she noticed his longing looks and jealous glares. Part of him feels angry at her, too. Angry that she didn't tell him, angry that she let him act like such a fool.

But when she tells him that she felt the same way, he feels happy.

When he notices that her ring isn't on her finger and is actually on the table near the door, he feels relief.

And when he finally kisses her, he feels love.


End file.
